What's On! Guide

Michael Neto is one of Scotland's most entertaining magicians and is an award-winning performer, holding the title of Scottish Close-up Magic Champion three years in a row.

Don't miss this opportunity to see Michael use expert close-up magic to transport you into his world, where imagination can fly. His continental style and charm will capture your imagination and maybe your heart!

"his close-up work is slick and polished. But it's his personality and humour that really bind things together, taking his show to a completely different level" The Edinburgh Reporter

Tickets £9/£7.50 concession

M.c. Alan Anderson - "Hilarious" Chortle, "fun, inventive" The Scotsman

Stuart Mitchell - As seen on Frank Skinner. "Remarkable" Daily Record

Pearse James - Scottish Comedian of the Year finalist 2011 "nifty material, inspired" Chortle

Tickets £7 (conc available)

Murder Mystery Night.

Fancy an evening playing your part in a fantastic who dunnit!!! This could be a fantastic Valentines treat, accommodation also available.

For more details click on the web link below.

Harry Morris Aka "Harry The Polis"  A One Man Stand Up Show!

Harry served for thirty years as a police officer in various departments throughout Glasgow and the Strathclyde Police region, before retiring during 2001.

During his working life with the Glasgow and Strathclyde Forces, Harry being an 'observer of life' would write about many of the characters he encountered and the funny stories that surrounded them. His observations and stories were then used to brighten up the police internal newsletter under his 'Morris Motorcycle News' magazine section. Making people laugh was soon to become Harry's real passion, which in turn was to be the catalyst for the popular 'Harry the Polis' series of short stories as told in his highly successful, hilariously funny books.

A great evening of Storytelling and Laughter. Tickets £8. £7 Concession.

Side Splitters Comedy Club

This month heralds the long awaited return of Scottish comedy legend - Bruce Morton.

This huge star of stage and screen brings his supreme comedy talent to Irvine for a memorable evening, hosted by MC Billy Kirkwood and support from the brightest and best stars from the UKs comedy scene.

Tickets £6

The award-winning Stewarton Drama Group present two performances of "AN EVENING OF COMEDY & DRAMA.

The production will feature performances of three short one-act plays 'Up in the Mornin' - a Scots comedy by Joe Corrie, 'Fusion' - an original drama by Nancy McPherson, and 'What's For Pudding ?' – a comedy by David Tristram presented by guests, The Dunlop Players.

As usual, tickets priced at £7.00 each are on sale at Stewarton Library and Candy Chace, the coffee shop in Stewarton High Street, and can also be reserved by emailing stewartondramagroup@hotmail.co.uk. And for those who might like to combine a two course Pre- Theatre Meal at The Hub Restaurant (8 Vennel Street, Stewarton, KA3 5HL) with the plays - SDG have arranged a special deal with The Hub, offering a Pre-Theatre Meal and a ticket to see the plays at a cost of £12.00 inclusive. These special tickets are on sale at The Hub every day, and can also be reserved in advance by telephoning The Hub on 01560 428 131.

Licensed Bar on sale - over 18s only. Tickets: £7.00 (or £12.00 including 2-course pre-theatre meal)

m.c Graham Mackie - Scottish Comedian of the Year runner up 2011 "The audience favourite" Scotsman

Scott Gibson - Scottish Comedian of the Year finalist 2011

Rod Hunter - Scottish Comedian of the Year semi finalist 2011

Tickets: £8.50, (£7.50 groups 4+)

A double bill of two critically acclaimed comedies from Scotland's premier touring company, described in the national press as brilliant, gifted and fiercely accessible.

MARY MASSACRE A bitter sweet, emotional rollercoaster of a story about two disappointed women waiting at the candy floss machine on Irvine Moor. On the surface, there are stories of the women who share a light hearted secret and a love of psychics. Underneath, a tale of deceit, loss and betrayal. Both of them are unaware how they'll change each others lives for ever.

SEVEN YEAR ITCH This true story of the brutal slaying of an office worker in America is interwoven with the delightfully flamboyant tales of two Glasgow co-workers, one of whom is obsessed with Dolly Parton.

Seven Year Itch is for the day dreamer who looks at the stapler with murderous intentions, for anyone who thinks about shredding their co-workers fingers and for those of you who sing out loud and proud at your desk

Tickets £9/£7 concession

On the day of a crunch old firm clash, a fan of each team winds up sharing a jail cell from which their only hope of escape is cash raised by the bets on the match to pay their fines. While taking turns to watch the action on a TV visible through their cell door, the pair bicker their way through every entrenched cliche of "Scotlands Shame" from religion to politics and national identitiy.

But aided by their kindly turnkey Harry - whose worries for his sick grandson help put their petty quarrel into perspective - they're to reach a grudging understanding.

Tickets £15

Side Splitters Comedy Club: Neil McFarlane

Another funtastic line up hits the club this month with MC Chris Broomfield - the Ram of Pontypridd welcoming three brilliant support acts and a "Posh Glaswegian headliner. - the great Neil McFarlane. His material combines wordplay, topical gags, personal experience and a constantly expanding ability to ad lib and improvise.

Tickets £6

The good news - Marie wins the Holiday of a Lifetime on a scratch card. The bad news - its for all the family! The family: Katy - a teenager with attitude, Graham - once the love of Marie's life, now 15 years past his sell by date, and his Mum!

Take one everyday family, heat to 36 degrees, leave in hired car to cook, then stand back!

Stick Granny on the Roof-Rack - the sell out MsFits show - is back by popular demand. "A laugh at every turn!"

Tickets £9/£7 concession

BAFTA award winning actress and Scottish showbiz legend, Dorothy Paul, is coming to a theatre near you with her brand new show, "Retiring from Retirement"!

Enjoy an evening of wonderful music and outrageous comedy in the company of one of Scotland`s best loved performers. Hear hilarious gossip about Dorothy`s starry pals, past and present. Accompany her in her tales of hysterical bus runs, topical tram rides and family soirees. Meet the unstoppable Cleaner, with her numerous jobs and university degrees, her best friend, Wilma, her Zumba class and her long-suffering husband, who still gets his daily ear-bashing!

"Retiring from Retirement" is a fast-moving rollercoaster of comedy and music! 100% pure entertainment ! There is nothing "retiring" about this wee Glasgow wummin` ... and she is really looking forward to seeing you again!

Tickets: £16, £14 conc

Sit back, belt up, and get ready for a dramatic roller coaster ride around Scotland.

Alex and Brian are two local lads desperate to leave their mundane lives and dead end jobs in Motherwell. They decide to get out the only way they know how…doing a runner with a prized surfboard owned by Alex's psychopathic boss. The only transport available is a 'borrowed' worn out Lada, but they hit the road and head north for Thurso, where the surf is up all year round.

On the way they meet beautiful girls, strange characters and hippy travelers leading to some late night whisky fuelled philosophical discussions and romantic encounters. Between the hilarious, laugh a minute one liners, pin sharp wit and banter, there's a serious undertone which turns a light hearted farce into a moving thought provoking drama.

Tickets £9/£7 concession

Sit back, belt up, and get ready for a dramatic roller coaster ride around Scotland.

Alex and Brian are two local lads desperate to leave their mundane lives and dead end jobs in Motherwell. They decide to get out the only way they know how…doing a runner with a prized surfboard owned by Alex's psychopathic boss. The only transport available is a 'borrowed' worn out Lada, but they hit the road and head north for Thurso, where the surf is up all year round.

On the way they meet beautiful girls, strange characters and hippy travelers leading to some late night whisky fuelled philosophical discussions and romantic encounters. Between the hilarious, laugh a minute one liners, pin sharp wit and banter, there's a serious undertone which turns a light hearted farce into a moving thought provoking drama

Tickets: £9.50 / £8